it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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