I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
