She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
