sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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