this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
