About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
