Well apparently he's into motor boating.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
