Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
