Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
