Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
pray to the hookup gods
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
