I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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