i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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