Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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