I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
