I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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