I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
