Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
