ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize