help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
