Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
