oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
