We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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