Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
