i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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