Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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