I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
