That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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