On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
