Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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