he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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