so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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