Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
