Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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