There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
