Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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