You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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