and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As shirtless as possible
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
