the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
