just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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