Cold hands, warm shart.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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