you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
