Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
