I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
