I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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