after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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