i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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