Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
