She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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