i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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