I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
