Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
