you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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