it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
