my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
