Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
