Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
