I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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