And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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